the issue with myself is..

reading this passage from "eat, pray and love", those words couldn't be more perfect describing me..

"Moreover, I have boundary issues with men. Or maybe that's not fair to say. To have issues with boundaries, one must have boundaries in the first place, right? But I disappear into the person I love. I am permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time-everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family, I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they're not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check...
I do not relay these facts about myself with pride, but this is how it's always been."

i know for a fact that i'm not dumb or anything related to the word idiot..
but i am so stupid when it comes to being in love..
and i silently curse myself for being back to this spot once again..
those comments didn't even hurt, not a slight of pain i felt..
it happened once too many times before so i kinda got used to it..

but i was numb, i can't believe that it's happening again..
AGAIN SAN, once more, AGAIN..
i didn't even cry, as much as i wanted to for the sake of feeling relieved, nope not a single tear i shed..
i'm just so mad at myself..

No comments: