brokenhearted

i haven't written a while..
i'm brokenhearted *sigh*

i wanted to graduate so bad this january..
maybe i didn't put in that much effort to do so..
or maybe my life is just so plain complicated..
or maybe i'm born so effin' slow?

i dunno..

so i've known i wasn't going to graduate 4.5 years..
i'm doing it the 5 years way..

how does that make me feel?
retarded? for sure..
ashamed? definitely..
dumb? AS HELL..

this whole skripsi-sidang thing for me is nothing more than a persyaratan lulus kuliah..
i'm not taking it as my grand final masterpiece in law school..
because i'm not proud of it..

like there's anything to be proud of?

when i do hopefully (must!) graduate later this july..
it won't be like a 'yeah!' feeling but more like well 'yes this should have happened sooner'..

i'm seriously tired of beating myself up, dragging myself down..
it's making me feel like i'm anything less than..
and I'M NOT..
I JUST WANT OUT, BE DONE, AND THRU WITH THIS CRAP ALTOGETHER AND NEVER EVER LOOK BACK AT IT..